you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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