dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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