8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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