you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
