my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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