just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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