every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat