Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...