I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?