My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
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She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
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I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.