I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES