Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
