Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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