He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
