If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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