Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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