I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
