Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
