alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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