if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
