When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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