I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
