Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
