If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
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i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
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when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize