just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Randomize
