Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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