My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
