A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Omg I joined a choir last night...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
