shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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