I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
