I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
