Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We won't sleep together?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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