i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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