why didn't you poke me back
I want to have your abortion
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
