I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
