apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
