Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Success! We fucked roommates!
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
