Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
