i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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