Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
