there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
