We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize