haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
