So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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