i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
