i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Maybe he injected his testicle?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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