Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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