I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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