All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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