I showed him my bush... on skype.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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