oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
