The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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