If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
