Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
