3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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