It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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