I hate your face
i think i have two assholes
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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