We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
