kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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