He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
