Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
