Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
