Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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