i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
