The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize