Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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