Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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