After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
