Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
