i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
honey bunches of taint.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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