I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
