it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
