I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Randomize
