when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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