ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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