it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
