Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
