Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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