a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
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