Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
