Got a toothbrush?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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