thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
