i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
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And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
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You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.