Need sex. Gaining weight.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
