I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I AM VODKA MAN
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
