He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.