If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?